Prego Entry

Okay.....so I thought it would be a nice time to blog about some stuff. I really only wanted to blog about the baby but i thought that I should also be writing down my emotions and things like that. I justwant to remember everything. Well today was my first day beack to work in like 4 days. i was off 2 day in a row and got all the way to work to decide to go to the doctor and then the doctor told me to have the next day off so yea....
that was also my first time seeing the father after telling him....him and i had a talk after work but i'll get to that in a bit. what i wanna talk about first is how everyone at my job basically pissed me off.
the new old girl seemed to not want to do anything after i got there. I'm not hereto relieve you. you had a double today and thats a damn personal problem.
My "brother" seemed like he had nothing to say to anyone, and had nothing to say about thebaby so i took that personally because i don't know how everyones brains work so yea.....personal. lol
but then there was my bosses and that was the part that just erked me to noend
I asked my manager could I have a 5 min and he said that i hadn't even been there for 2 hours yet. ask Kris, he remembers from when we first started working there. You know my response to that?
Kris isn't pregnant, I don't give a shit.
MAybe that was a bit harsh but seriously, I didn't tell people at my job because i was happy and wanted them to know. I told them so when things like that happened they'd be more understanding and would let me take my littl preggo sit down.
Then I was really hungry, but probably because i couldn't eat anything before i left so i asked again and not one would listen to me so i went in the back and ate a cookie because Noah bough cookies for everyone to eat and the owner asked was I on break. I said no. Obviously I'm not on break. son't you own this place and therefore should know that i'm not allowed to be on break yet.
But of course he tells me to clock out because i can't eat on the clock. Yes i understand that i got what i want but only so everyone could irritate the hell oiut of me in the end. I hate that they worry about money and labor and things like that. You set me these hours, legally i'm obligated to these hours, you cant take them from me....but thats getting off preggo topic so anyway....
when i got my actual lunch break i tried to sleep but my fathers mom can into the store to bring him the car keys because she was going to be out with her friends.
   I wanted to tell her but i guess its his mother and he can tell her.
Okay so the talk we had was basically feelings and stress and me trying to tell him that he has nothing to worry about. my mother is on board and honestly thats all we need. I'm good so he should be too.
He said that we should get back together. I want to but at the same time its not like it can happen over night. Him and I need to see eye to eye on more things and i know that now that we're having a child that i'm going to speak my opinion and alot of people are going to have a problem but tough nuts.
He's told his father and grandmother and they both asked were there other options...HA! nope. I told him how happy my brother seemed when i told him and he realized that he still hasn't told his sister either which means he has to tell his mother even sooner because she'll tell his mom if he tells her first or his mom will tell her whenever he decides to tell her and then she'll be mad that it took so long....
basically he is afraid and i told him that i understand because if this was last year my mother probably would be different but her needs to realize that there is nothing that we can't do. that is what this little baby is telling me
oh i don't know if i put this in the other entry but i didnt wanna call the baby "it" but i also don't want to give it gender spcific nouns and pronouns so i called "it" shim like once and that turned into Zim like Invader Zim....but them dad seemed to have a problem with that too....yea, i'm still gonna say Zim sometimes any damn way. lol
well i always seem to blog when its stupid late because i try to decide weather its important enoiugh to write down and i do other crap durning the night then at 3 in the morning is when i decide i should go write or blog andstuff like that so its time for me to get some damn sleep.
Zim andI are tired
nite nite

Post 100 Surprise Surprise!

Okay so I had planned on doing something really nice and special for my 100th post and I couldn't think of anything but then yesterday the craziest thing happened and so that is what I'll write about. I was sick for days. Since theday before Thanksgiving I've just been feeling weird and nauseous and blah. just an over all mess. Well I finally decided to go the the ER after getting all the way to work and thinking that I was fine for two days and throwing upo when i get there. I went to the Er because i don't have a doctor. I don't have healthcare or any real money actually. well to make a long story short because I really didn't believe anything that was happening to me anyway, they told me I was pregnant.
       I have no idea what what going through my head accept for "all of the above".
Everything was working at one time and I didn't know what to do with it. Nothing was sinking in until the next nurse came in and told me i was pregnant. I still didn't really believe them but whatever, my mom was in the room so i wasn't gonna have my own thoughts anyway. Not that she was saying anything but I was being very cautious. I know my mother and I know that she wanted to know what i was going to do but i wanted to know what she was going to allow me to do. because if she wasn't supportive then i didn't really have a great selection left as far are options go. I don't know how far along i am thats just some extra shit that someone has to tell me anyway.

Honestly I'm waiting for someone to jump out and yell "Gotcha" but i guess thats ot going to happen right now either now is it.
I had all these thoughts in my head and everything was racing around and when I didn't want to think about it anymore it just all went away. like the baby did it or something because if you know me you know that that is the hardest shit for me to do. to just turn it off like that. Nope especially, and i know everyone can relate, when its time for bed and thats when every thught you've ever had ever decides that now is the time to rent space in your mind. And last night i seemed to stay up thinking but not about every single thing in the world. Just about how happy I am to know that I am carrying something so precious.

    Lots of things need to change. some of my regular habits for one, my room and other enviroments for two as well as some of the people in my life. I can't have baby being around certain shit. Things that i've had problems with but never said anything because it wasn't directly affecting me, or i just didn't find a need to do so, now i'm doing so. well not at this very second of course. Baby isn't here yet but I can start making aplan right?
I feel like i'm doing things right now that i don't have to be doing so early but i also know that if i don't do things while they are on my mind i will never get them done.Like eat....well maybe not eat. Baby will certainly let me know that i haven't eaten anything in 30 minutes. lol

        Well I guess at this point i don't need to keep writing because i have the next 8-9 months to ramble on to no one. Well I'm hoping so. (i have that fear that I can lose it. i mean the first trimester is when this can just happen. lotsof women lose there baby early on without ever knowing she was ever pregnant in the first place. so yea..... :( Well Winter out i guess. till probably tomorrow)

Bento, Obento

Okay so today I made a bento box. I decided to make it before all my stuff came in the mail because i wanted to show you that you could make one out of simple stuf. You don't always have to deco-ben. Its about making good food outof quick things around that house and left overs.

you will need

Your Bento

Cupcake Thingys or dividers

Biscuit sticks to hold you over lol

and a fridge with some stuff in it

the first thing i did was add some left over rice from when i made beef fried rice for dinner a few days ago

See?! I put this in my top layer. its the biggest one

then i added a divider

This is chicken and potatoes my mom made for dinner last night, but since i was at work i didn't get any. but there were left overs. So.....

I chopped up the chicken

                                    

and made the potatoes into a quick potatoe salad. all i did was add mayo and mozzarella cheese to the top

I decided to add one of the rice cakes i had from the asian market since i was barely eating them 

this is a popular asian treat. its pop corn, but its rather fluffy. Kind of like puffin corns, if you know what that is. YUM >_< more more more

see. i put it next to my rice cake

last but not least i made a deviled egg to fill the space between the rice and the chicken.

I wish i took a picture of the outside of the egg. It was a pretty girlypale green. But the inside of the egg was just egg. lol.

I go into work too late to get a break today so this is going to be my dinner in about 5 hours. Hopefully everyone has funny bento making. When my stuff comes in the mail I'll be sure to do a haul video of all my bento stuff. I should be getting a new bento and like 2 other things but still. 

Hope no one is too mad that my blog has no real direction. It more about how I'm feeling and what makes me happy and what I can't express in real life rather than any one thing. I will be doing a haul on my favortie beauty products soon too for anyone who is interested in that type of stuff

Seriously....blown...or not

I hav seriously got to keep up with thisblog because its starting to get messy. Okay...so the last post was in may. as of like july i have a new bf. No I'm not going to go into details because who knows how long this one will last?
I don't really want to go into negative things either because it'll just upset me, but just to some it all up I'll make a list of some of the not so  bad things that are making me feel emotions that aren't on the positive scale
i haven't talk to someone who was supposed to be my bff in like 3 monthi'm not mad anymore but I thought i'd throw that in there for "update purposes"
my boyfriends is a douch cunt fag 83% of the time
I need a new job
I don't have enough money to support my otaku/gyaru/harajuku/japanese obsession
rent
rent
and rent
living back at home with my mother(almost sure you knew that I moved out since that was before the accident)
memories
my right ear

that list could go on and on trust me so let me tell you guys abiut some of the good stuff
I got my brother to eat sushi...with chopsticks and now he is hooked.( now i gotta convince a little anime in his life and I'm good)
i actually have a job
my ear stretching is going pretty well.
I got anew tattoo.
I have new plugs.
just bought a ton of pocky...like it was on sale and i have 11 boxes
bought a rice cooker
and 10lbs of rice)i made onigiri)
I just ordered a new bento box and chopsticks and other stuffs
I know that i've been into Jpop and things but i discovered mnet...so now k-pop and k-rap is my new thigns
Gdragon-nuff said
saving up to move out(thats not going to well though :( )
.....I had a really good list in my head but i can't think of anything else so i guess thats good enough

So I love that there is an Hmart in the area and I love that my friends(my truefriends anyway) love all the Asian-ish stuff that i do. And I love having people to cook for because my family refuses to eat my food for some reason so screw them (well somtimes my brother will)
I think I'm going to start giving friends asian names. I gave my bf a japanese name and he didnt want it. He doesn't realize that he very selfish
well....anyway i'm going to go now because its like 3 am where I am and I should've been sleep hours ago. if anyway has any ideas on how to turn my room into an asian-ish anime room then let me know. Not a room that looks like anime posters and flier on the wall but a room from a n anime. A normal one though. just a normal room but more asian less american and all that

An Update on Some Major Things

here are a few updates for those who care enough to check it out
well one the guy that I've been with on and off well we were off for longer than we had been on so i moved on...and I moved...into his house.
my mother put me out yet again and it got to the point where i didn't feel like dealing with it but with no one else that i could trust i moved in with him
I also got a new boy friend
he is really freaking cool plus he supports everything that i do and doesn't mind making appearances on blogs and YouTube vids and what not
Umm we, the bf and I, along with a friend got into a car accident on the 30th of April so at this point i am in physical therapy and not doing any type of work
yea, i didn't have a job before, but now everyone is saying that for a while i shouldn't have one
well guess what? i have to pay my exes mom rent every month so you can just stick that somewhere cuz its not whats up
also I've been crocheting more, but lately I've been taking longer to do things than normally and I think that's because i started going slower so i can enjoy it. if I don't then I'll just run out of yarn and not be able to crochet for a while. so I'm going to be taking all my money and buying yarn. then I'm going to open a big cartel and just put some stuff on there. Its going to be the free site though because its not a serious thing but it is something I love
going on to serious things
i may be starting a MUA class next month or July
I really wish that I could now but i don't have to money for it and I still don't have a job
this whole job thing was supposed to get easier when i left my moms House
there was supposed to be no restriction on where i can go as long as i can get there but i think its because i have the restrictions still in my mind
its really hard to stop thinking the way I've been programmed to for the last 22 years. I've been living by my mothers rules for all my life basically and there is no other way for me to figure it out
well I'm going to be applying and reapplying to MAC every month til I get hired. I'm going to take any job that will give me hours accept McDonald(the ones in this area are all ran by the same type of weird people) and get up ad do it all again every morning
I need to focus on being more healthy and losing weight and I need to get some motivation. my brother and my boyfriend are my motivations honestly
If it wasn't for my bf my room would still look a hot ass mess and i would still have all the crap in the world in the middle of my floor
its him that gets me up early enough to do anything even when he has stuff of his on to do
and well my brother is my only sibling that takes care of me on a nurturing and loving level.
I can't let him grow up and then have the same things happen to him that my mother did to me. i know that she is going to fuss and fight an say things that she might think her but they do
I don't care who you are or what you stick and stone and all that but words can hurt...especially from a oblivious mother. when your mother talks it burns so for them two I have to get everything together. i can't keep trying to figure out my life. i need to already know it and be fucking bad ass at it.

Lvl2 Valentine's Day Look

Sorry I don't have any step by step Photos. From now on, when I have the time I'll do those as well as a video.

1. I applied my e/s primer
2. Placed a soft brown in my crease as a blending color
3. I applied the red to my lid only
4. added a more chocolate brown to my outter "v" and all the way into my crease
5. mixed two lighter cream colors to get my hightlight
6. used one of the highlights as my inner corner hight light
7. liner my waterline with a white pencil
8. used the other highlight to set the white liner
9. applied eyeliner and mascara
10. and rasberry type blush
11. lined my lips with a brown nude liner and applied primrose lippies

here are some of the end photos

Youtube

I know that I haven't been posting in like forever, but I'm truly sorry about that. But i don't have good news. i've been posting youtube videos finally. So I will be spending the next few days updating my blog to all of the vidoes that I've been putting up. Maybe not all because i do have some random outfit of the days up, but all of my tutorials and updates so far will be on the blog very soon.

So please stay with me. i don't mean to be such a mess lol

Playing Christmas Catch Up

Hey <3's and dolls!!
I know that I've been MIA but that is because the holidays have my family really busy, and for some reason my older family members feel that they don't need Internet...or worse. Dial up. So I've been just trying to pass along this busy not busy time.
I will have a haul up of what i got for Christmas tomorrow. My Birthday is the day after that so I'm going to have a birthday haul up pretty soon after that too. i opened most of my birthday gifts already though because my mom was like here u can also open these on Christmas is u wanna. And i did because my birthday is never that big of a deal anyway so what the heck right.

My Christmas was pretty cool. I didn't take too many pictures just because I always forget of there isn't too much of anything going on at all. I did see Rise of the Planet of the Apes while at my g'rents house...I really do like that movie, but the person who wrote the script could've made Tom Feltons line cooler. Most of them reminded me of his early days as Draco. Not that I'm complaining. I love Harry Potter til I die. But I'm afraid that my potter babies are going to be stuck, and then forever known as their Harry Potter characters. I loved it though. He did a great job <3

Now that the holidays are over and new years has rolled in I feel Obligated to get on my grind again with the job search. i put it on hold a week before Christmas because i really wanted to do some special stuff for my mom and it was already on semi hold because oh thanksgiving. I honestly don't like this time of year because it makes it too easy for procrastinators like me to makes excuses

While I was at my boyfriends house I had some knee and back pains so it's time to get the exercise going. No more putting that stuff off. I was really just thinking about all the bad life choices that people my age make and all the unhealthy everything that goes on and I told myself that I have to do better. but its not a new years resolution or anything because...well because it has nothing to do with a new year, just a new me and because i didn't realize that i might be hurting myself and not knowing it....
yeah...


anyway, so look out for those two post, plus i might have a mini post about my birthday..if anything happens but i don't plan on doing anything but some people might wanna do something for me and we'll see what happens from there

Yule Time

Okay so today is yule.
I didn't do much because I live in a not so pagan house. My family isn't super religous but I didn't want to go through all of the blah blah. So to anyone out there that is in the broom closet, or out but still confused about others feeling like I am here are some of the things I did today, plus some extra things that you can do. Just some sugfestions is all.

1. have a moment under the misletoe to yourself(just walk under it with the goddess in mind)
2. light a candle(if you don't have an yule apprpriate ones i don't think the goddess will mind, sure she'll understand)
3. sing
4. decorate the yule tree(if ur family already has up a christmas tree, the tend to it;trim it, rearrange something. I'm sure no one will notice at this point)
5. Have sunflower seeds, and share some with the birds.
6. make a donation to the local shelter
7. bake(unless you're like us and are re doing the kitchen
8. read. anything, something that moves you. i love harry potter. love the magical theme too. Sweep series is supposed to be a great pagan series
9. collect pine cones. that can be fun. make up a games, or just do it to enjoy nature. ur parent's could still be nosy if ur an indoor-y type though
10. and i feel the simplest one of all....u don't have to feel weird with ur parent asking about you lighting candles(my mom has issues with fire and I'm almost 22) or u singing too loud. or maybe you stood under the mistletoe a second too long. this one is so easy Eat an Apple <3

Easy little top ten things to do to celebrate and make it around the rents and their raydar.
Do one or all.

just thought I'd put up a post about yule because I understand being a pagan teen. i'm not a teenager anymore but thats not the point lol.
I'm not that far off. Yes I live in a christain house and I've always loved christmas time, so i'm not saying that people should stop celebrating and doing things the way they know, but incorporate the 21st and the 25th together <3

and I'm looking up information on Kwanzaa because I know it has something to do with African Americas, or coloreds or however you want to look at that. Forgive me for my ignorance but I will start my research soon and maybe i'll be celebrating that too. SO watch out.

Hope all is well with everyone and )O( Blessed  Be <3

Oh Christmas Tree, OH CHRISTMAS TREE!!!

SO here I have a couple of whosa whatzits from putting up the tree and what not. Don't tell my mom or my brother. I think they have issues with being on the web sometimes

When we piced out our tree

The tree man tying it to the roof of moms car.

He was a n00b. The boss lady kept calling for people to help him and all that

it was pretty funny but i feel like he felt otherwise (poor tree guy)

Look at it!

It's so awesome and beautiful. i know

the bro messing in moms hair. Forgot I had my cam handy did ya?

Charlie(my mom) looks like she isn't paying us any attention

lol(she says she has weird kids)

This picture makes it looks so short. Well i can't do anything about that but i can say that it's not that shot and its not that light looking. Well none of the picture do it justice really. The lighting was terrible, plus that lights on that tree and it was getting dark outside and all these factors. so i deleted most of my tree pix

Charlie looking at the tree. M aking sure her art looks perfect

My mom is the Queen of Christmas

Why is my tree sideways?

Some vid of the tree making fun. Don't know where most of my footage went but here ya go. Us being us.

Okay well i hope that everyone enjoys my family and the weird things that we say. We don't do too many things as much as say whatever come to mind. my mother mostly. I really do hope that everyone has an awesome holiday weather it's yule christmas hannakah or kwanza, and even if you don't believe but you celebrate new years as a factual thing then hope everyone is well. No drunk driving please, and if anyone is getting different weather than I am, then I hope everyone is careful on the icy roads and staying safe and warm.

As always to anyone that takes the time out to look at my blog I am truly grateful that you decided to spend you life with me today <3

Winter