Kicking It Up

My baby girl has been kicking up a storm lately and I'm so glad to know that she is active and healthy. Don't know if I told you about the ultra sound that I had but we found out it was a girl so i'm super excited to finally know. It seems as though now she has a name and an identity(kinda) that she is just as active as can be.
She moves around the most around night time, especially when i'm laying down. I'm trying to figure out her patterns and what not so this is excited. She is a little daddy's already. Every time someone mentions daddy she just starts moving all over again. And when I'm on the phone with him, and when I'm around him. So basically anything associated with her father and she is moving and grooving. I think she's having a disco.
She had the hiccups earlier. I think she's had them before but I was never really sure, but that's because I'm never really sure about anything since this is my first child so what can I say.

When went to go visit daddy this week and he felt her move. He was excited and that made me all the more joyful. His mom told him it was probably gas. I think she is trying to burst every little bubble that this pregnancy has to share. I think she liked me before i got pregnant, now i think she feels i'm ruining her sons life and for that I apologize, but I won't be sorry for being the happiest I've been.

Life is starting to get really crazy and I don't know what I'm going to do, but i do know that i've got to  figure it out sooner rather than later. I've got a great man by my side though so we'll see what happens. Between the two of us I don't think there is anything that we can't get done

A KICK!!!

I've had  whole lot on my mind and going on in my life and because its not just my bussiness to tell I feel some way about posting everything so thats why I've been M.I.A. recently and for that I apologize so since something just happened I figured I tell you about it.
The baby kicked. They baby has kicked before but I could only feel it on the inside or ouldn't really tell what was happening, but i was laying here on the computer with my cell sitting on my stomach and i felt a kick and  bam, phone was sliding off my belly
It's really the cutest thing ever. I've been so sad and depressed and lonely and the only happy thing is my unborn child. :(
I know thats pretty sad but its also kinda happy too i guess.
I just cant wait for my baby to get here

Baby Names

Okay, so I really thought that my first post on baby names would be a nice one...nope, not at all. I wanted to think of names, and he said it was too early. I couldn't stop my brain from coming up with names until there were no more. And I came up with names that I was hell bent on. Now here we are, he doesn't like my names we've gone through a couple of them, decided on initials to narrow it down blah blah blah, and now we are having a last name dilemma. I've always wanted my kids to have my last name. Even if I was married, I just love my last name. I wanted to hyphenate it, and if i got married I'd do the same to mine. Now we're having a big issue on that and it's really bothering me. At first we decided to have both. his first because it just sounded better. But then later he comes to me and says my mom thinks that my name should be last because it should be the last last name. The Last of the LAST names. I said that's nice. Because whenever someone stresses me out his response is its not their kid and there opinions don't matter. But when u come to me a few days later and ask have I thought about your question then you make it seem like it was your idea or you had some feelings about the decision  not you mother. SO now he is saying that his father feels like my name shouldn't be in it at all. But you wanna turn down the names that I've fallen in love with and my last name and I'm not trying to argue or stress and I'm learning to pick my battles but something I feel so strongly about and you're not even being supportive of my first names but you think I'm going to let you family be the dominant reigning one? NO.
 If I could be like Lorelei from Gilmore Girls and make her/him a junior with my name not his I would d. But i don't particularly like my first name to well anyway. I hate the way women are treated when it comes to family making and name say. I'm not married, I was not doing this to expand on the family that I've built. Meaning, I don't have his last name so neither shall my children. Spanish countries have more than one last name so why can't I and my children.
I know that I'm basically just repeating myself at this point but I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling. I'm hurt, sad frustrated and a little angry.
I'm hurt because i feel like all the work that I've done creating life doesn't matter. I'm sad because I just want someone to say, okay, I know that I work all day but she can't do anything because she's sitting in the house making a baby. SO of course all i have is baby on the brain. i have nothing else to do. I'm frustrated because I just keep repeating myself but no one seems to be taking anything in. And I'm angry because him and I had this conversation as parents and now other people get to influence his opinions but not mine. If my parents opinions at the end of the day don't matter neither do yours.

Week 16

Yea, so i know that I have been M.I.A. lately but that's because of the pregnancy. I've just been sitting around that house doing nothing. With that being said most expect more post since i have all the time in the world, but honestly i wouldn't have anything to say or do. I literally lay around all day long.But I just came from the doctors a few day ago so i figure now that I'm getting along in the pregnancy i have more things to say and do so i figured I'd share.
I discovered that about 80% of Americans have HPV but don't know it because its a dormant virus and doesn't do anything. Well I'm apart of that 80% and because I'm pregnant it decided it wanted to flare up so...yay me. I don't honestly know what that means for me or the baby because my doctor said that its not doing anything right now and i just have to be monitored more closely now. For those that don't know HPV can lead to Cervical Cancer...
On another note I started my pregnancy at 183lbs, by the time i found out i was pregnant i was 170. At my last check up i weighed in at 149.5 lbs. So i have to have that closely monitored as well. Its not doing any harm to the baby right now as far as I know. The baby is getting all of the nutrients it needs from me, but i just have to make sure I'm getting all that i need. And when people force u to eat when you aren't hungry. I do need more calories admittedly, but I can eat things with more calories and still eat the same amount of food my doctor said so eating when you're not hungry is never fun. Trust me.
I'm also thinking about vlogging on my YouTube for the rest of this journey but I'm not really sure how i feel about that. I'm not that popular on YouTube so I don't really anyone in my family being comfortable on camera and what not. So basically I'd be like saaammage with her hunbun, but that would be everyone.
But I feel like that's the best way for me to document everything because I never remember to write stuff down and I don't have any pregnancy memories or anything like that. Besides I do have a lot coming up really soon, Ever since my last visit to the doctor she wants to monitor a lot of things.
I have to go get blood before two weeks is over. I have an ultra sound after 3 weeks. I have another appointment with my doctor in a week from today. and i have another one scheduled in about 3 weeks so that she can go over the results of everything from all the outside doctors. Plus i have to schedule and appointment with a eye doctor and dentist because all of these things are important while pregnant as well. And i should probably find a primary doctor for everyday stuff too just to make sure all of that is in order.
All the while never getting any sleep, yet sleeping all day and since i can't stand up for more than 30-45 min at a time i basically don't do anything or go anywhere and I had to quit my job. So now I'm in the process of finding a new job that i can sit and still manage. Like a Secretary or something. SO if anyone has any idea that would be amazing

Sorry I don't have any pictures and this is just a heavily worded post. I have one picture on instagram and thats it. Maybe next time there will be pictures. Til next time

Prego Entry

Okay.....so I thought it would be a nice time to blog about some stuff. I really only wanted to blog about the baby but i thought that I should also be writing down my emotions and things like that. I justwant to remember everything. Well today was my first day beack to work in like 4 days. i was off 2 day in a row and got all the way to work to decide to go to the doctor and then the doctor told me to have the next day off so yea....
that was also my first time seeing the father after telling him....him and i had a talk after work but i'll get to that in a bit. what i wanna talk about first is how everyone at my job basically pissed me off.
the new old girl seemed to not want to do anything after i got there. I'm not hereto relieve you. you had a double today and thats a damn personal problem.
My "brother" seemed like he had nothing to say to anyone, and had nothing to say about thebaby so i took that personally because i don't know how everyones brains work so yea.....personal. lol
but then there was my bosses and that was the part that just erked me to noend
I asked my manager could I have a 5 min and he said that i hadn't even been there for 2 hours yet. ask Kris, he remembers from when we first started working there. You know my response to that?
Kris isn't pregnant, I don't give a shit.
MAybe that was a bit harsh but seriously, I didn't tell people at my job because i was happy and wanted them to know. I told them so when things like that happened they'd be more understanding and would let me take my littl preggo sit down.
Then I was really hungry, but probably because i couldn't eat anything before i left so i asked again and not one would listen to me so i went in the back and ate a cookie because Noah bough cookies for everyone to eat and the owner asked was I on break. I said no. Obviously I'm not on break. son't you own this place and therefore should know that i'm not allowed to be on break yet.
But of course he tells me to clock out because i can't eat on the clock. Yes i understand that i got what i want but only so everyone could irritate the hell oiut of me in the end. I hate that they worry about money and labor and things like that. You set me these hours, legally i'm obligated to these hours, you cant take them from me....but thats getting off preggo topic so anyway....
when i got my actual lunch break i tried to sleep but my fathers mom can into the store to bring him the car keys because she was going to be out with her friends.
   I wanted to tell her but i guess its his mother and he can tell her.
Okay so the talk we had was basically feelings and stress and me trying to tell him that he has nothing to worry about. my mother is on board and honestly thats all we need. I'm good so he should be too.
He said that we should get back together. I want to but at the same time its not like it can happen over night. Him and I need to see eye to eye on more things and i know that now that we're having a child that i'm going to speak my opinion and alot of people are going to have a problem but tough nuts.
He's told his father and grandmother and they both asked were there other options...HA! nope. I told him how happy my brother seemed when i told him and he realized that he still hasn't told his sister either which means he has to tell his mother even sooner because she'll tell his mom if he tells her first or his mom will tell her whenever he decides to tell her and then she'll be mad that it took so long....
basically he is afraid and i told him that i understand because if this was last year my mother probably would be different but her needs to realize that there is nothing that we can't do. that is what this little baby is telling me
oh i don't know if i put this in the other entry but i didnt wanna call the baby "it" but i also don't want to give it gender spcific nouns and pronouns so i called "it" shim like once and that turned into Zim like Invader Zim....but them dad seemed to have a problem with that too....yea, i'm still gonna say Zim sometimes any damn way. lol
well i always seem to blog when its stupid late because i try to decide weather its important enoiugh to write down and i do other crap durning the night then at 3 in the morning is when i decide i should go write or blog andstuff like that so its time for me to get some damn sleep.
Zim andI are tired
nite nite

Post 100 Surprise Surprise!

Okay so I had planned on doing something really nice and special for my 100th post and I couldn't think of anything but then yesterday the craziest thing happened and so that is what I'll write about. I was sick for days. Since theday before Thanksgiving I've just been feeling weird and nauseous and blah. just an over all mess. Well I finally decided to go the the ER after getting all the way to work and thinking that I was fine for two days and throwing upo when i get there. I went to the Er because i don't have a doctor. I don't have healthcare or any real money actually. well to make a long story short because I really didn't believe anything that was happening to me anyway, they told me I was pregnant.
       I have no idea what what going through my head accept for "all of the above".
Everything was working at one time and I didn't know what to do with it. Nothing was sinking in until the next nurse came in and told me i was pregnant. I still didn't really believe them but whatever, my mom was in the room so i wasn't gonna have my own thoughts anyway. Not that she was saying anything but I was being very cautious. I know my mother and I know that she wanted to know what i was going to do but i wanted to know what she was going to allow me to do. because if she wasn't supportive then i didn't really have a great selection left as far are options go. I don't know how far along i am thats just some extra shit that someone has to tell me anyway.

Honestly I'm waiting for someone to jump out and yell "Gotcha" but i guess thats ot going to happen right now either now is it.
I had all these thoughts in my head and everything was racing around and when I didn't want to think about it anymore it just all went away. like the baby did it or something because if you know me you know that that is the hardest shit for me to do. to just turn it off like that. Nope especially, and i know everyone can relate, when its time for bed and thats when every thught you've ever had ever decides that now is the time to rent space in your mind. And last night i seemed to stay up thinking but not about every single thing in the world. Just about how happy I am to know that I am carrying something so precious.

    Lots of things need to change. some of my regular habits for one, my room and other enviroments for two as well as some of the people in my life. I can't have baby being around certain shit. Things that i've had problems with but never said anything because it wasn't directly affecting me, or i just didn't find a need to do so, now i'm doing so. well not at this very second of course. Baby isn't here yet but I can start making aplan right?
I feel like i'm doing things right now that i don't have to be doing so early but i also know that if i don't do things while they are on my mind i will never get them done.Like eat....well maybe not eat. Baby will certainly let me know that i haven't eaten anything in 30 minutes. lol

        Well I guess at this point i don't need to keep writing because i have the next 8-9 months to ramble on to no one. Well I'm hoping so. (i have that fear that I can lose it. i mean the first trimester is when this can just happen. lotsof women lose there baby early on without ever knowing she was ever pregnant in the first place. so yea..... :( Well Winter out i guess. till probably tomorrow)

Bento, Obento

Okay so today I made a bento box. I decided to make it before all my stuff came in the mail because i wanted to show you that you could make one out of simple stuf. You don't always have to deco-ben. Its about making good food outof quick things around that house and left overs.

you will need

Your Bento

Cupcake Thingys or dividers

Biscuit sticks to hold you over lol

and a fridge with some stuff in it

the first thing i did was add some left over rice from when i made beef fried rice for dinner a few days ago

See?! I put this in my top layer. its the biggest one

then i added a divider

This is chicken and potatoes my mom made for dinner last night, but since i was at work i didn't get any. but there were left overs. So.....

I chopped up the chicken

                                    

and made the potatoes into a quick potatoe salad. all i did was add mayo and mozzarella cheese to the top

I decided to add one of the rice cakes i had from the asian market since i was barely eating them 

this is a popular asian treat. its pop corn, but its rather fluffy. Kind of like puffin corns, if you know what that is. YUM >_< more more more

see. i put it next to my rice cake

last but not least i made a deviled egg to fill the space between the rice and the chicken.

I wish i took a picture of the outside of the egg. It was a pretty girlypale green. But the inside of the egg was just egg. lol.

I go into work too late to get a break today so this is going to be my dinner in about 5 hours. Hopefully everyone has funny bento making. When my stuff comes in the mail I'll be sure to do a haul video of all my bento stuff. I should be getting a new bento and like 2 other things but still. 

Hope no one is too mad that my blog has no real direction. It more about how I'm feeling and what makes me happy and what I can't express in real life rather than any one thing. I will be doing a haul on my favortie beauty products soon too for anyone who is interested in that type of stuff

Seriously....blown...or not

I hav seriously got to keep up with thisblog because its starting to get messy. Okay...so the last post was in may. as of like july i have a new bf. No I'm not going to go into details because who knows how long this one will last?
I don't really want to go into negative things either because it'll just upset me, but just to some it all up I'll make a list of some of the not so  bad things that are making me feel emotions that aren't on the positive scale
i haven't talk to someone who was supposed to be my bff in like 3 monthi'm not mad anymore but I thought i'd throw that in there for "update purposes"
my boyfriends is a douch cunt fag 83% of the time
I need a new job
I don't have enough money to support my otaku/gyaru/harajuku/japanese obsession
rent
rent
and rent
living back at home with my mother(almost sure you knew that I moved out since that was before the accident)
memories
my right ear

that list could go on and on trust me so let me tell you guys abiut some of the good stuff
I got my brother to eat sushi...with chopsticks and now he is hooked.( now i gotta convince a little anime in his life and I'm good)
i actually have a job
my ear stretching is going pretty well.
I got anew tattoo.
I have new plugs.
just bought a ton of pocky...like it was on sale and i have 11 boxes
bought a rice cooker
and 10lbs of rice)i made onigiri)
I just ordered a new bento box and chopsticks and other stuffs
I know that i've been into Jpop and things but i discovered mnet...so now k-pop and k-rap is my new thigns
Gdragon-nuff said
saving up to move out(thats not going to well though :( )
.....I had a really good list in my head but i can't think of anything else so i guess thats good enough

So I love that there is an Hmart in the area and I love that my friends(my truefriends anyway) love all the Asian-ish stuff that i do. And I love having people to cook for because my family refuses to eat my food for some reason so screw them (well somtimes my brother will)
I think I'm going to start giving friends asian names. I gave my bf a japanese name and he didnt want it. He doesn't realize that he very selfish
well....anyway i'm going to go now because its like 3 am where I am and I should've been sleep hours ago. if anyway has any ideas on how to turn my room into an asian-ish anime room then let me know. Not a room that looks like anime posters and flier on the wall but a room from a n anime. A normal one though. just a normal room but more asian less american and all that

An Update on Some Major Things

here are a few updates for those who care enough to check it out
well one the guy that I've been with on and off well we were off for longer than we had been on so i moved on...and I moved...into his house.
my mother put me out yet again and it got to the point where i didn't feel like dealing with it but with no one else that i could trust i moved in with him
I also got a new boy friend
he is really freaking cool plus he supports everything that i do and doesn't mind making appearances on blogs and YouTube vids and what not
Umm we, the bf and I, along with a friend got into a car accident on the 30th of April so at this point i am in physical therapy and not doing any type of work
yea, i didn't have a job before, but now everyone is saying that for a while i shouldn't have one
well guess what? i have to pay my exes mom rent every month so you can just stick that somewhere cuz its not whats up
also I've been crocheting more, but lately I've been taking longer to do things than normally and I think that's because i started going slower so i can enjoy it. if I don't then I'll just run out of yarn and not be able to crochet for a while. so I'm going to be taking all my money and buying yarn. then I'm going to open a big cartel and just put some stuff on there. Its going to be the free site though because its not a serious thing but it is something I love
going on to serious things
i may be starting a MUA class next month or July
I really wish that I could now but i don't have to money for it and I still don't have a job
this whole job thing was supposed to get easier when i left my moms House
there was supposed to be no restriction on where i can go as long as i can get there but i think its because i have the restrictions still in my mind
its really hard to stop thinking the way I've been programmed to for the last 22 years. I've been living by my mothers rules for all my life basically and there is no other way for me to figure it out
well I'm going to be applying and reapplying to MAC every month til I get hired. I'm going to take any job that will give me hours accept McDonald(the ones in this area are all ran by the same type of weird people) and get up ad do it all again every morning
I need to focus on being more healthy and losing weight and I need to get some motivation. my brother and my boyfriend are my motivations honestly
If it wasn't for my bf my room would still look a hot ass mess and i would still have all the crap in the world in the middle of my floor
its him that gets me up early enough to do anything even when he has stuff of his on to do
and well my brother is my only sibling that takes care of me on a nurturing and loving level.
I can't let him grow up and then have the same things happen to him that my mother did to me. i know that she is going to fuss and fight an say things that she might think her but they do
I don't care who you are or what you stick and stone and all that but words can hurt...especially from a oblivious mother. when your mother talks it burns so for them two I have to get everything together. i can't keep trying to figure out my life. i need to already know it and be fucking bad ass at it.

Lvl2 Valentine's Day Look

Sorry I don't have any step by step Photos. From now on, when I have the time I'll do those as well as a video.

1. I applied my e/s primer
2. Placed a soft brown in my crease as a blending color
3. I applied the red to my lid only
4. added a more chocolate brown to my outter "v" and all the way into my crease
5. mixed two lighter cream colors to get my hightlight
6. used one of the highlights as my inner corner hight light
7. liner my waterline with a white pencil
8. used the other highlight to set the white liner
9. applied eyeliner and mascara
10. and rasberry type blush
11. lined my lips with a brown nude liner and applied primrose lippies

here are some of the end photos