okay, so i've been staying with one of the coolest friends ever and her family.
they are like my second family, I love them to death
My mother and I should have realized a long time ago that we shouldn't live under the same roof
like, seriously, i was going to rip my hair out living with her
i just figured that now that i'm 20 i'm going to start feeling out how i want to live
i have my own way of seeing things that my mother didnt
i want her to know that i love her and that i want to come visit, and stay the night and gossip because she is one of my best friends, but we are polar opposites.
i blame my dad...not that its his fault, but i'm like him, we like our own space, we dont like to be bother really
that's why i like to hang with my dad, because after a while we just chill and dont bother eachother. We listen to music or work out of order chinese.
living with my mom, though i think she doesnt make the effort to hang with her kids because they live with her. she sees us all the time and so she'll put it off for another time.
that makes me sad
she keeps saying that we need to spend time with family because they may be gone soon
by this she means the older relatives, but anything can happen to anyone
i could get hit by a bus, or fall off of a motorcycle(i want one ). so I just think that my mother needs to spend more time with her kids, even this one that doesn't listen and has a mind of her own...
and when parents say that they want you to always be independent and have a mind of your own...do they always mean that, or are they saying because its what sounds the best?
i'm just asking
but i'm glad that i have the family and friends that i have because i wouldn't be the person i am today
moving on...I have a guy situation...
so i broke up with my boyfriend on my birthday. or we broke up
the thing is we both misunderstood eachother
to me that means we should get back together but he doesnt want to ...
now in any other case i would just leave this alone, we are already broken up and i'd just move on
i've been trying to move on but he wants to take me out for the Valentines day weekend
that just sounds all kinds of confusing to me...Like i just knew that i was in love with him and that we'd be together, but now i dont even want to see him because he isnt making any sense to me and i hate when people do that
he wants us to be together one day but not now
if it was anyone else i'd be like..ummm...NO
but he isnt an ass like most guys so i'm trying to give him a chance at it
plus we are going to a car show
and i love cars and bikes(this is something new)
and he knows what i like he pays attention to me....
on the other hand one of my best friends and I are sparking some old flames
and i know that he makes me happy, i know that he knows me
and i know him, and that feels great
but he is going into the damn army...did i ever mention that i hate that, plus i hate being alone, and i dont like long distance
and even right now its long distance, i just moved to the other side of town remember...?
so yeah, i dont feel like doing this
i dont feel like having my heart ripped apart
the last time i had a long distance relationship, i got my heart broken and i had the worst time ever trying to make things right, not with us but with myself
i'm easily broken and hard o fix
...so i really dont want to get into either one of theese, but my heart keeps telling my to just try
either one, because i can honestly see myself married to both.
AND THAT IS THE SCARY PART
crap like that doesnt happen
u dont just say yeah, i'll be with which ever one proposes first
i'm too young to be having theese issues >(
I need help and guidance, i need a shoulder and i need people to make up their minds
i'm not with one because he doesn't know what the hell he wants and i'm not with the other because he doesnt want to try this long distance thing
i dont either but i also dont like putting things off
to me its like u are just trying to get ur jollies before we are together
u have to be free in the mean time
so idk
i dont know, i never know alls i know it that i'm listening to sanctuary by utada in my ipod
that is the only thing that i am postive about over anything else
and my dog is scratching her head: so stick that in your juicce box and suck it
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