IK'm trying to re-invent myself...and not like I'm going to make a hole new me, because I'm not changing who I am...I just want to enhance the me I am....
Just like v2.0 kinda thing
The thing is i wake up and my skin looks horrible and I just feel so ugly, It's not like I live near my boyfriend so I don't have anyone to look pretty for, but at the end of the day I hate myself for doing nothing.I have turned into a lazy pig and I hate it. I lost some weight and I'm not sure if I put it back on or not... I dont eat that much, but I dont do anything all day either.
I just feel so odd, and so diffrent than what i felt before. I don't have any friends anymore...well I have friends back at home, but I don't have any of them here and it's really starting to kill me. Like it is slowly killing me. The more a person sits around and the less active they are the more and more there body goes into survival mode. If I dont start to get up and do things my body is going to stop doing it's normal cleaning and its going to focus all the energy on styaing alive.
I read about it on some website. Just google it. But I think tomorrow I'm going to wake up at a nice time and do my make-up and go out and just make some friends, but after i eat of course. That is something that I definately have to do. yeah i know I spelled that wrong...anyway, anyone that live in MD let me know and I'll try to see if we can hang, I'm willing to just get the hell out of this house.
It also sucks because my friend goes out and hangs with lots of her friends all the time and I'm always here alone and its really starting to get to me.
I know that she has her own friends but she is always at work and then she tries to escape by going to one of her friends houses and I'm home alone for the whole day... and then she wakes up and goes to work again....The main issue is finding a better job for myself and getting some friends that wont leave me alone all the time. OMG, wen i get my phone back from my moms house I'm going to have tons of messages and missed calls and things. It really sux that I cant talk to my boyfriend. He would make all of this better. I just know he would because he is the bestest boyfriend i could ask for. I have been writing him letters like everyday, but i don't have any money for postage...just writing to make sure I don't go insane. It's crazy but I'm just crazy like that. And I'm writing a book to make sure that I don't forget basic skills. It's weird...but I have to make sure nothing happenes to my regular body functions. I'm trying not to be a burden to the rest of the family. I feel like i'm just here and taking up space...and I know her mom is proably mad because i hven't paid rent. I really am hating myself right now. but what else can I do?
Well i guess i'm going to go and do something else...have fun everyone, and remember...always do something...just get the hell up and do something with your day...
No matter what it is do it. I'll probably be back on tonight anyway because I'm not going to have anything else to do
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