Frustration To The Max

I know that I said I'd have pictures...but my BF didn't hook up the web came for me. i don't think he really wanted me to  get my nose pierced in the first place.
I really am sorry that the decisions I make make other people upset, but I'm not sad for making them.
If I never did anything that I wanted then how on earth could I ever make myself happy?
I just wouldn't now would I?
I know that the ideal thing would be to make someone happy...and they make you happy. Then everyone lives all nice a happy....you know, ever after.
But that just doesn't seem to be the case anymore. There are less and less people to fall in love.
It is really starting to piss me off.

I really want to love but there is no way that I can love.
All the people that love me I don't love back...at least not in that way and then vice versa. i can;t keep playing games with men...(and a few women)
I want more that anything just to fall in love and have the cutest little house and most adorable children...but what can I do?
I'm just not happy whatsoever.

The only thing I'm happy with is my home life.
but other than that I can't say that men, or work or anything else is really doing it for me.
I have some friends that I think wouldn't care if i dies either way, and my step father is acting as if i don't exsist...but on the up side mydad has been answering his phone whenever I call. We never talk to long, but thats how my dad is <3
I'm just glad that we have a better relationship. As far as my stepdad it just sucks because he calls my brother and my brother says how he won't get off the phone and how he just assk him 101 questions.

But what can I say? I'm not his kid.
Fail

Anyway, my boyfriend not boyfriend person just seems to hate me....I know that no one is perfect, but it really get under my skin when I ask him to do me favors and he just declines like i asked him to jump off a bridge...but it hurts even more when I ask him to and he responds as if I never said a word. As if all I did was ask him to breathe....
Some ppl may think, well thats nice, you mean he does it so willlingly because doing something for you and breathing go hand-in-hand...but that's not it
not at all
It's as if i'm not there
and Like the dumbass that I am I asked him to move in with me this summer.
I don't know why i'd do such a thing
maybe because I have no life and all I know on a regular basis is him
but it doesn't matter: He said no

Someone please tell me what the hell is wrong with me?
it doesn't matter.
At a party i talked to a friend of mine....Our story lines never cross (lol)
and he told me to listen to my heart as much as i can.
I have no idea what to do at this point
I feel like I would miss him if I left him, but if I stayed I'd be miserable

from the outside looking in it's hard to understand but from the inside looking out its hard to explain