Okay so I had planned on doing something really nice and special for my 100th post and I couldn't think of anything but then yesterday the craziest thing happened and so that is what I'll write about. I was sick for days. Since theday before Thanksgiving I've just been feeling weird and nauseous and blah. just an over all mess. Well I finally decided to go the the ER after getting all the way to work and thinking that I was fine for two days and throwing upo when i get there. I went to the Er because i don't have a doctor. I don't have healthcare or any real money actually. well to make a long story short because I really didn't believe anything that was happening to me anyway, they told me I was pregnant.
I have no idea what what going through my head accept for "all of the above".
Everything was working at one time and I didn't know what to do with it. Nothing was sinking in until the next nurse came in and told me i was pregnant. I still didn't really believe them but whatever, my mom was in the room so i wasn't gonna have my own thoughts anyway. Not that she was saying anything but I was being very cautious. I know my mother and I know that she wanted to know what i was going to do but i wanted to know what she was going to allow me to do. because if she wasn't supportive then i didn't really have a great selection left as far are options go. I don't know how far along i am thats just some extra shit that someone has to tell me anyway.
Honestly I'm waiting for someone to jump out and yell "Gotcha" but i guess thats ot going to happen right now either now is it.
I had all these thoughts in my head and everything was racing around and when I didn't want to think about it anymore it just all went away. like the baby did it or something because if you know me you know that that is the hardest shit for me to do. to just turn it off like that. Nope especially, and i know everyone can relate, when its time for bed and thats when every thught you've ever had ever decides that now is the time to rent space in your mind. And last night i seemed to stay up thinking but not about every single thing in the world. Just about how happy I am to know that I am carrying something so precious.
Lots of things need to change. some of my regular habits for one, my room and other enviroments for two as well as some of the people in my life. I can't have baby being around certain shit. Things that i've had problems with but never said anything because it wasn't directly affecting me, or i just didn't find a need to do so, now i'm doing so. well not at this very second of course. Baby isn't here yet but I can start making aplan right?
I feel like i'm doing things right now that i don't have to be doing so early but i also know that if i don't do things while they are on my mind i will never get them done.Like eat....well maybe not eat. Baby will certainly let me know that i haven't eaten anything in 30 minutes. lol
Well I guess at this point i don't need to keep writing because i have the next 8-9 months to ramble on to no one. Well I'm hoping so. (i have that fear that I can lose it. i mean the first trimester is when this can just happen. lotsof women lose there baby early on without ever knowing she was ever pregnant in the first place. so yea..... :( Well Winter out i guess. till probably tomorrow)
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