A Boyfriend Update...

So as many of you may or may not know that my boyfriend and I haven't actually been officaially for like 2 onths now.
So...we broke up last Friday...it was extra stupid but it had to be done. We were going through some things and I just really felt that if i didn't so something about it then we were going to continue to go through all of the same things...and thats just too much for me.
I spend about 90% of my life at his house and I was just wondering if maybe he could spare a moment to be with my family and things. The holidays are coming up and I just really don't  wanna be with my family and they are wondering where the hell he is. But anyway...we ended up back together yesterday.
the point is i just wanted you to know that we broke up and got back together....Plus i just think that we just need to go slow.
Anyway I'll give you more later...ttfn

Frustration To The Max

I know that I said I'd have pictures...but my BF didn't hook up the web came for me. i don't think he really wanted me to  get my nose pierced in the first place.
I really am sorry that the decisions I make make other people upset, but I'm not sad for making them.
If I never did anything that I wanted then how on earth could I ever make myself happy?
I just wouldn't now would I?
I know that the ideal thing would be to make someone happy...and they make you happy. Then everyone lives all nice a happy....you know, ever after.
But that just doesn't seem to be the case anymore. There are less and less people to fall in love.
It is really starting to piss me off.

I really want to love but there is no way that I can love.
All the people that love me I don't love back...at least not in that way and then vice versa. i can;t keep playing games with men...(and a few women)
I want more that anything just to fall in love and have the cutest little house and most adorable children...but what can I do?
I'm just not happy whatsoever.

The only thing I'm happy with is my home life.
but other than that I can't say that men, or work or anything else is really doing it for me.
I have some friends that I think wouldn't care if i dies either way, and my step father is acting as if i don't exsist...but on the up side mydad has been answering his phone whenever I call. We never talk to long, but thats how my dad is <3
I'm just glad that we have a better relationship. As far as my stepdad it just sucks because he calls my brother and my brother says how he won't get off the phone and how he just assk him 101 questions.

But what can I say? I'm not his kid.
Fail

Anyway, my boyfriend not boyfriend person just seems to hate me....I know that no one is perfect, but it really get under my skin when I ask him to do me favors and he just declines like i asked him to jump off a bridge...but it hurts even more when I ask him to and he responds as if I never said a word. As if all I did was ask him to breathe....
Some ppl may think, well thats nice, you mean he does it so willlingly because doing something for you and breathing go hand-in-hand...but that's not it
not at all
It's as if i'm not there
and Like the dumbass that I am I asked him to move in with me this summer.
I don't know why i'd do such a thing
maybe because I have no life and all I know on a regular basis is him
but it doesn't matter: He said no

Someone please tell me what the hell is wrong with me?
it doesn't matter.
At a party i talked to a friend of mine....Our story lines never cross (lol)
and he told me to listen to my heart as much as i can.
I have no idea what to do at this point
I feel like I would miss him if I left him, but if I stayed I'd be miserable

from the outside looking in it's hard to understand but from the inside looking out its hard to explain

NOSE PIERCING!!!

Okay, so my friend finally pierced my nose yesterday.
yay me!!!!!!
So I'm super extra happy that it's finally done and I don't have to worry about non sense anymore. I don't have to feel trapped or like I'm waiting for someone to do something. I can now leave and go as I please...sometimes I just wanted to leave my surrounding but I had to wait for her and things just kept getting delayed...I'm sorry but I just hate being tied down by things...especially people. What if I had something to do. Just because I'm currently without job doesn't mean that I don't have important things to do with my day... Yeah, I'm a BOSS
lol
So i guess that's all I have to have to say about that...in other news.....
I'm going to start learning how to dance with my boyfriend not boyfriend person. I've always wanted to learn how to dance and never got the chance so I'm extra excited to do so now.
I want to break dance and I think I'm going to stick to hip hop dancing., I was told that My popping was actually kinda good. I can also belly dance and now I'm trying to get into shuffling. I think that dancing at raves are super fun. Now I wanna make sure I don't look extra stupid
So everyone wish me luck...not like anyone reads my blog anyway, so just pretend that you care at least

Obsessed

So almost all my life I've been Obsessed over the Asian culture. i think that they have many traditions and foods and things that are just to die for... So I bought a bento box like 2 years ago...well actually I bought 4. 2 pinks 2 blues. # for my friends and 1 for me. I have no idea if they still use theirs but I don't ever use mine...one, because I never have anything to put in there and two because I have no elastic band that goes over it so it doesn't open. It is also pretty small so I think that I'm going to invest in another one....But anyway I never knew how to make the hard boiled eggs into little shapes. I just found a site that told me how. So i think I have finally found my direction for my blog...
Have an entry about the different foods and styles of bento boxes. The history of them and the food typically put in them. Once I get the money for a camera, go out get one and show you guys the different foods I make each week. Then once I start getting more bento boxes showing you my adventures to getting a collections started <3

That sounds a super awesome idea yay!!!!
First thing though is how to make the eggs into shapes...this is for my own personal purposes only, because I'm not home and I have no where to write this down on...but I can always come back to my blog.

How to use Easy Boiled-Egg Shapers:

1. Hard-boil your egg.
2. Peel the egg while it is still hot.
3. Place the egg in the mold.
4. Leave the egg in the mold in cold water for 10-15 minutes.
5. Voila!

NO PIERCING!!!

So the friend that was supposed to pierce my nose fell asleep and woke up just in time...to be late...to school today, we technically yesterday, cuz it's 12:09am

but yeah, I again have no pictures and nothing to say about the happenings. This would've been my second time getting it done so I can give some kind of advice on the process and the after care, but that would have been one really nice full fat entry if everything would have happened at one time and not all over the place. I'm mostly ranting about it because I would actually like for all of this to be done and over with because I don't like to wait and I would like to show it off.
And not just  because of those reasons, but because I want to be able to say that I have it and not have to worry about her leaving or not seeing her for a while. She doesn't live near me. She just stays in the area sometimes. Also I gave her my money already. I was gonna wait but she said just to give it to her so she can eat and we call it even...So I'm waiting for this to be done so I can get my moneys worth and not feel like I'm getting jipted off....That's not really a word but we all know that really...
lol
so I think that we should all see this as a lesson learned...don't let friends do stuff

Delay

Sorry about the delay on the pic. I'm at my boyfriends house and his friend is supposed to pierce my nose but she hasn't been in the mood. It's making me a little upset. Like she doesn't wanna waste her needle on me or something...but I know that isn't true because we love each other. So maybe when everyone wakes up we can do it. The point is I like to blog but you can't if you always run out of stuff to write about. Well the next post will be pretty lame and only consist of pics of the new piecing because I already did my Harry Potter review. I didn't want to make everyone wait so long for that...So that went up yesterday and the pix will go up when I can put them up

quick updat.....I'm getting a puppy. I think it should be tonight when I go home...if I go home. It's going to be a chorkie....or a chi-orkie <3
A yorkie+ chihuahua=yay

R.I.P. Diamond Rose
10/05-06/10

New Stuff

http://cutencool-itkupilli.blogspot.com/



I've been wanting to make my blog a little cuter...so I was looking and stumbling across this other blog so go check it out everyone

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt 1

The 7th instalment of the Harry potter movie franchise has made its; mark on the world and it's about time that I review it.
Part 1 of 2 was absolutely amazing in my (bias) opinion.
There was less romance and way more action. The best trio in the history tries each others patience, learns each others past and soothes each others  sacrifices.
In this movies we meet another piece of the Wesley family, see the Grangers one more time, and explore life as a Potter.
This movie takes place outside of Hogwarts where our heroes will have to find the horcruxes and destroyed them before our enemy finds out.
Many old faces come to help this exciting plot unfold. Many die, many learn, but in the end only one can live....


Grafix...4/5
Character development...5/5
Plot...5/5
Overall experience...5/5

My biggest heart break of the movie was that it was a to be continued, but other than that i think everyone should go see this movie. I feel in love. it held my attention from beginning to end....my boyfriend on the other hand is about to have a foot in his head if he doesn't leave the computer alone and stop making it change different colors.

Also check out...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EC2tmFVNNE

And THE FUNNY ONE <3

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MahTKZDHXaA

And for those of you who still haven't seen this...WARNING!!! LANGUAGE!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTHn5oFPmi8

Review and Update

So i promised all my readers that if i saw a movie in the theaters that I would review it...and if I saw any straight to DVDs or anything that isn't really widely known that I would let you know.

If you know me then you know that I love harry Potter...of course i saw it....But that isn't what i plan on reviewing today...I wanted everyone to know about the movie Tamara. It was a good movie. I love to watch movies about witches and things like that so.....if  you like witches this is the movie for you.
If you know anything about real witches you know that they can't do magic to hurt anyone, or at least they shouldn't. So for all the real witches you should let your kids see that everything has consequence and other than that it's just a really funny teen movie.
The kids at her school pick on her not knowing that she is a witch, then one day she does a spell but chickens out.
Since the school kids bother her the spell ends up coming true anyway and things come to those who deserve it...
I give the story a 5/5
i give the grafix 4/5
the actors get a 3/5 though... the acting was terrible......


---------------------------
UPDATE: yay!!

Okay, so I have been doing a lot of fun and not so fun things....I just wanted everyone to know that I'm getting my nose pierced in a few hours <3
I'm so excited to do it. I missed it so much....everyone say yay<3
I'll have a better update in a few hours with pictures of the new add on

talk to you later lovies

Random!!

Oh, and BTW I'm getting my nose pierced again...should be tomorrow

for those of you who don't know I had to take it our because of my stupid job, but now I don't work...hopefully i get the job on tuesday...and other than that, i just really like the nose piercing
my banana bread Keyon is supposed to do it for me
she is the bestest ever <3 #shout out to the banana bread lol

hopefully she can do it tomorrow...I'm going to try to get some pictures up if I can. i haven't put any up since my laptop went extra stupid on me cuz the computer doesn't have the micro SD slot...so I'll try my bestest ever <3
ttyl

Top 5

SO I have decided to let you guys know what I'm listening to lately
My bestfriend is always giving me something new to listen to while I'm at his house... so here is my top 5 songs of the week....
SO when ever you see the tape cassette you know whats coming
1. Stress-by Justice
2. Avril 14- by Aphex Twins
3.The Scientist-by Coldplay
4.Empire Ant-by Gorillaz
5.Pretty Rave Girl-by S3RL

<3 Thx Loveies
ttyl <3

My Winter Wish List

Now, I never usually know what I want for X-mas/Yule but this year I actually do. The funny thing is I never know what I want till it's come and gone, or until I see a billion and one commercials....Then eventually I want a lot of things by the time the holidays roll around.

This year, i don't want a lot, or at least I don't think it's a lot.

But I would love it if everyone could give their opinion on the products...(or even get some for me lol)

1. Sonia Kashuk bamboo brush set
2. 88 matte palette
3. Night Elf quad
4. a new or fixed laptop
5. iPod touch/or the iPhone 4
6. lots of yarn, and stitch markers
7. a nice blazer
8. a charm bracelet
...9. ...and a camera.....but the bf is supposed to buy it.....he sat on the first one.... -_-'

JOB

So I haven't had a job in a long time
8 months to be exact...and I hate it ALOT
A job is somthing that has to be in my life, if not my life is just some crap.
At one point, I had a car, a job, and I was a student
that was the best part of my life...I think that the gods had other plans for me because all of that changed....After a while i realized that I didn't like what i was in school for. I felt like all m friends were fake, and that ppl used me for my car(it was a truck actually <3 )
Thus the car and the school, but my job is one thing that I loved
I don't know how to not have a job. I loved the money, i loved the things...now that sounds very shallow and very much so materialistic...but it's not. i wanted the money so i can open a group at a rec center for girls and a lot of other stuff.
Will I lie to you and say that I didn't want stuff...nope.
I want a new perfume and I need some clothes. But thats the thing. I NEED clothes. Haven't really gone shopping since I was in the 8th grade...let me tell you. I've been out of school for about 2 1/2 years. Like I actually graduated in 2008, so think about that for a second.

Plus, my boyfriend is in desperate need of some mew clothes. i have no idea what to do but if I see him in the same tee shirt one more time I'm gonna shoot somebody...lol
Not like its his fault but his people just don't have it like that so I wanna just go shopping one day, the two of us together and just get some of the sickest threads possible <3
well i need a job. anyone got any ideas, don't be afraid to tell me plz

turkey day

okay, so the mobile thing want to be acting stupid, so i haven't been bloging...you guys have missed everything that has been going on but thats fine, tomorrow before thanksgiving you'll get a whole story about it
but for now just wanted to ask what everyone is doing for turkey fat day <3

Day...18?

So i know that I haven't beenkeeping up but I've been stuck in bed, and typingn actually hurts so this is day 18...I actually can't think of my hopes and dreams and things right now, but i wanted you guys to know that I wasn't dead and haven't fell off the face of the earth...so yeah...but I'll be back up and running soon enough.
ttfn

Day 02- A picture of something you cannot live without.

Day 02- A picture of something you cannot live without.

well this one is probably the easiest...but I dont actually have a piture of it so since thisis my blog and i do what i want ill make a list of the top things i can't live without

1my cell phone

2my family

3my boyfriend

4books

5my knitting and crocheting supplies

and i think that's about it

I mean thats what i materially cant live without

but if i was stranded on an island, that would be a different story

CHillin

So I'm sitting here with my boyfriend. Everything is awesome. We are def going to watch the losers. Yay!!!

I wanted to see that movie i just really didn't want to sit in my house but I'm just glad that he is here with me. I'm super scared about going to the hospital tomorrow. I have to go because I have to get the rest of the abscess taken care of.

they said that it was going to hurt...I'm so not trying to deal with that.

On a lighter note...my boyfriend is the awsomest person ever. He still hasnt gotten up to put the movie in though. Im not gonna do it. He said that he felt like he was family and that he was happy so if he that comfortable here than he can get up and put the movie in

oh, and he still hasn't gotten me a new camera

Decisions Made

So i have decided that I'm going to make my blog into something where I can vent all of my creative juices...
weather I'm mad and I wanna rant or weather I end up writing a poem. or showing you some of my art work...I doodle alot and I'm trying to get back into designing my clothes.
Plus I knit and i crotchet...so this is what i'm doing.
I know I'm awesome right?
lol not really but it's okay because as long as I know I'm gangster I know everyone else will to
remember that and keep your heads up loves <3

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Well this is like the only pic i could find...that was this recent and its like a few months old...but here ya go...

And here are my 15 facts....not so interesting but facts none the less...

1. I've been a practicing paganism for a few years now
2. Most of my siblings names begin the same...I find it weird
3. I have 2 tattoos
4. I wish i could have a really awesome camera to capture the craz crap I do lol
5. I'm a youtube junkie
6. I'm a big kid lol
7. I miss high school
8. I have tons of ideas for tons fo different things
9. I used to sing in a band
10. I play guitar now
11. I sometimes wish that I had super powers...but who doesn't right <3
12. My boyfriend and I have been together on and off for about a year
13. I'm running out of facts, let alone interesting ones
14. I am still in love with Charmed
15. I want to finish one of my novels

Getting Traffic

Okay, so this is me honestly just trying to get more traffic to my blog. the more I post the more ppl will get to it so here i am
I have found a 30 day challenge from Cyd Angie
you def need to check out her blog and youtube she rox

so first and foremost I'm not doing day one now because its 3 in the morning and I'm so about to go to bed so this will be a 31 day challenge where the first day was to actually find something to do lol

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.
Day 02- A picture of something you cannot live without.
Day 03- A habit that you wish you didn’t have.
Day 04- List 15 songs that represent your life’s soundtrack.
Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to.
Day 06- A hobby you have.
Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you.
Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why.
Day 09- Something/someone you’re proud of.
Day 10- A story about a past relationship.
Day 11- A picture of something you dislike.
Day 12- A picture of your room & don’t cheat by cleaning it. Share a secret.
Day 13- Write a letter telling someone something you could never tell them.
Day 14- A picture of something you ate and 10 confessions.
Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle & share the first 10 songs that play.
Day 16- Something you could live without.
Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why.
Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have.
Day 19- Nicknames you have & how or why you have them.
Day 20- If you had 3 wishes, what would they be.
Day 21- Share a picture from your day.
Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else.
Day 23- What is something you crave.
Day 24- Share a story about your past that you are ashamed of.
Day 25- What I would find in your bag.
Day 26- Places you want to visit before you die.
Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge?
Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?
Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned.
Day 30- A picture of you today & 20 goals you want to accomplish.

Winter Mobile Life

I created a second blog for when I'm on the go but the blog isnt working. It keeps saying that my device isn't registared, but I know that it is because if i send like 2 words then it'll send but I keep deleted it because its not important at all. This is really silly. But I've decided that I'll just make each blog for different things. So I guess I'll have to figure out what it is. If not I'm going to delete that blog and pretend that it never exsisted. Maybe that will have more to do with my personal life...no I think this one should because it pretty much is and that one will be more about things like the ideas that i have and all the things I wish i could do in the future. Like school and all that, plus I know that my boyfriend has lots of plans for the future. A skate board company plus we both want to have clothig lines. We are headed for the big time. Also we'd like to star bands. Not being in each others though because we really dont think its good to date in the band together. Well he thinks so not me, but ya know thats a good thing i guess. no girlfriends and boyfriends telling the rest of the band what to do and swaying votes. So i guess the other one will be for ppl to just check out if they wanna know what i do on a regular basis. That one will probably be more entertaining anyway
lol

help me

Okay, so I've been trying to start this cluub for a very long time now and its not working at all.
I have tried to start it twice already and a no go
Its been over a year since this idea has came to light but nothing is happening so does anyone have any ideas?
Any at all?

on another note, I also tried my damdest to get a camera and once i got one a friend sat on it. Now i'm not mad, because it was a pure accident but they said that they'd replace it
It's been months and I want my camera.
What should I do?
i have so many plans for my camera. I'm trying to start my youtube channel for real, plus I have an online show I'd like to see if I can do anything with.
Also I can't ask to be a fill in on paganperspective with no camera.
plus all of my summer was supposed to be captured on camera but of course it wasn't
I want a new camera so bad.
And if thats not enough he is trying to be extra nice. So instead of just replaceing the camera he insist on getting me one of the best camera in the world. That cost too much money and takes too much time to save the money. I just wanna take pix of my friends and like put the on facebook and stuff :(

Any thoughts On raising Wiccan children? Anything can help. Just trying to take some notes and rattle the ol noggin

i did some bondage 2nite. It was epic. Never have be4. I enjoyed it very much. Role playing with it all makes it buckets of fun 2. I suggest every1 try.

Sitting at the bff house and i'm really tired but i can't sleep. Having man problem out the ass. Don't fall in love. Its no fun lol

iPod Touch

I now have an IPod Touch do I will be posting more than I have been. I'm very excited because now I don't have to wait 6 months before I can post again. There really isn't too much to say on the topic but I'm happy. Wanted one since they came out. I will write more about my relationship and whore like energies later. There has beens tons going on but I'm way too tired. I also thought it would bd nice to talk about my thoughts on my craft. Not my path itself but the overall just so ppl will be better educated. So ta ta for now ladies and gents. Hopefully you'll hear from me in a few days.

anniversary

So today is my anniversary( its 12:24am)
well monthiversary
9months
and we were supposed to go to a rave but that didn't go as planned and now he won't answer the phone
I'm so ready to break in his face
lol
I'm not mad at him because i know he did alot today
very important business we both dont have jobs anymore and so we have lots of running around to do for the rents because they feel like we sit around and do nothing
I'm not complaining but he talked to me for like 2 min said he'd call back and has been M.I.A. since like 4 o'clock
i know i don't blog like that
mostly because I know that no one cares about my blog post
i know that none of this makes any sense to anyone
I'm just some random chick with all kinds of issues that i just go on and on about
well I guess I'll stop there
oh i was gonna make a youtube channel and then my bf sat on my camera on our 7 month anniversary to the beach the pix i took were awesome but i can't get them now

Random Wiccan Post

So this is a random post about nothing really. it's mostly based on my religion. i really wish that i could have some money so i can get some of my tools. i really want some of the things.. Like a book, i've been looking for some really cool stones, but i dont have the money to get them, and i've been trying to get to a trail, but i have no idea where any of them are... i want to go to a trail and i want to out camping and stuff like that but i have no way to get there, and all that. Plus i was trying to get some tarot cards but then my boyfriend is complainging about where i get them from and i didnt have the money so he was going to get it.
he never gets me anything that i like, he gets me what he wants me to have and what appeals to him.
that makes me mad...so i dont have any. so i've been trying to get some tarot cards and some books. he also doesn't like going to the book store either, so i really never do anything with him anymore....
I'm trying to get some money and just have some fun, because i don't feel like i ever have any fun and i never have anyone or anything in my life...thats what i feel like.
I really just want to spend time with him and think of my path

)O( Blessed Be

Guess What...

I'm finally moving back in with my mother..Yeah I know I've gone through this before but I really can't stand being where I am. It's not like its bad its just bad for my health..I'm not going to go into details because i told my friend and it grossed her out so I guess that I'm just going to skip that...all u guys need to know is that my body is going through changes...My doctor said its because I never really do anything that out of the ordinary, and now I'm doing things and is in an eviroment that I'm never usually in.....
But I'm so happy because I miss my boyfriend like crazy....
I actually got a chance to talk to him today...that means alot because if u don't know...I left my phone at my moms house 2 weeks ago and I haven't talked to him in like forever...(he doesn't have the internet O_o)
But I got him a promsie ring...I know that I'm the girl, but it's cool because a birdie told me that he had one for me and i think that a guy should get one to wear too...so when I go home I'm going to be so happy...I'm going to post pix of both the rings in my next post <3
well i love you dollies so much
ttyl

Reinvention

IK'm trying to re-invent myself...and not like I'm going to make a hole new me, because I'm not changing who I am...I just want to enhance the me I am....
Just like v2.0 kinda thing
The thing is i wake up and my skin looks horrible and I just feel so ugly, It's not like I live near my boyfriend so I don't have anyone to look pretty for, but at the end of the day I hate myself for doing nothing.I have turned into a lazy pig and I hate it. I lost some weight and I'm not sure if I put it back on or not... I dont eat that much, but I dont do anything all day either.
I just feel so odd, and so diffrent than what i felt before. I don't have any friends anymore...well I have friends back at home, but I don't have any of them here and it's really starting to kill me. Like it is slowly killing me. The more a person sits around and the less active they are the more and more there body goes into survival mode. If I dont start to get up and do things my body is going to stop doing it's normal cleaning and its going to focus all the energy on styaing alive.
I read about it on some website. Just google it. But I think tomorrow I'm going to wake up at a nice time and do my make-up and go out and just make some friends, but after i eat of course. That is something that I definately have to do. yeah i know I spelled that wrong...anyway, anyone that live in MD let me know and I'll try to see if we can hang, I'm willing to just get the hell out of this house.

It also sucks because my friend goes out and hangs with lots of her friends all the time and I'm always here alone and its really starting to get to me.
I know that she has her own friends but she is always at work and then she tries to escape by going to one of her friends houses and I'm home alone for the whole day... and then she wakes up and goes to work again....The main issue is finding a better job for myself and getting some friends that wont leave me alone all the time. OMG, wen i get my phone back from my moms house I'm going to have tons of messages and missed calls and things. It really sux that I cant talk to my boyfriend. He would make all of this better. I just know he would because he is the bestest boyfriend i could ask for. I have been writing him letters like everyday, but i don't have any money for postage...just writing to make sure I don't go insane. It's crazy but I'm just crazy like that. And I'm writing a book to make sure that I don't forget basic skills. It's weird...but I have to make sure nothing happenes to my regular body functions. I'm trying not to be a burden to the rest of the family. I feel like i'm just here and taking up space...and I know her mom is proably mad because i hven't paid rent. I really am hating myself right now. but what else can I do?
Well i guess i'm going to go and do something else...have fun everyone, and remember...always do something...just get the hell up and do something with your day...
No matter what it is do it. I'll probably be back on tonight anyway because I'm not going to have anything else to do

Making plans!!

Okay, so I've finally figured out what I want to do with my life. I want to be a business woman. Yeah, I kinda knew that all along, because I don't really like doing what other people tell me to do. I mean I don't mind, but I knew that it wasn't something that I was going to do with my entire life...
So I'm going to open uo a shop with accessories and jewlery and things like that.
I really had to give this some thought.
I haven't been in a business class in like 3 years...and I don't think that I can do this all by myself...I need motivation and I need someone that is going to have my back. So I have decided to go back to school, just for a couple of classes though. You all know how I am with school. We really just dont get along at all.(lol)
I have never been a trouble maker but I don't like school. Too many people pass judgement on you on a daily basis..and blah blah blah. Anyway, I think I'm going to try and be an AVON or MARK representative; see how the business thing works out for me...If it doesn, then I'm going to open up a shop somewhere where there is alot of people getting to anf fro...but not that many people because that is going to cost me an arm and a leg for rent space. But you know, something thats going to bring in the business.
I plan on making jewlry and other accessories that I know how to make. I usually make things and then give them to other people because i can just make a new one. I seem to never have one for myself though (lol) so I thought, why not sell them. I never have them for myself anyway.
So that is what I'm going to do.
I have to make plans for myself, and I have to do things that are going to help me and the kids I want to have. They are going to need a place to live and I need to afford that. And when I'm gone what are they going to do? so Yeah..look out for my website coming soon with all the details and grand opening and all that stuff.

Name will be revealed in due time...as soon as I can think of one <3
bye lovlies

Wiccan Ways

Just in case you didn't know I'm a witch...and before you get all like WHAT!?!?!?!?
Its not what you see on t.v. and all that stuff...but because i dont feel like explaining all i'm going to get to the point. I had my first full moon ritua; tonight. It was great. I feel rejuvinated phsycally, other than the fact that its one in the morning... but mentally...or more emotionally i feel kinda upset. My boyfriend is actually my High Priest. He was the first person i ever went in depth with as far as my religion goes. And he also happened to be wiccan. But I wanted him to be there. I wanted him to guide me. I wanted to talk to him and hold him because he makes everything okay. it really makes me sad that I'm not near him. I just want to cry and even throw up sometimes when he isnt around. I haven't made any new friends where I am at all. I'm supposed to be going go to see him but the way my luck is I probably wont see him at all. Then it'll be another two weeks before i can even try to see him. and its never guareenteed....
I know that he doesn't have any gems or crystals so i was going to by him a pouch of mini ones. That way when he does magic he can think of me...plus there is a place that has some really nice polished and tumbled ones that would be great to get him...
if i do i was going to put a ring in the pouch and ask him to marry me...but he would never accept....
he says its because i'm the female and he is old fashion...but sometimes it hurts my feelings because i don't think he will ever propose. I know we are young but engagments are meant to be a day. they are meant to take some time. I guess i'm just scared that this one might get away...but what can i say I'm in love and i dont want anyone to take him away...ever
not even NY

Valentine's Day

SO I've been waiting to go home to post my Valentines day blog but I'm still not home. I've been at my moms house since Valentines day(sunday0 and its Saturday.

Valentines day was great
So as most of you have read, i planned on having a great big Valentine's Day planned out but nothing ever goes as planned
anyway i still got to come back to town and have a good time with my boyfriend.
We saw the movie Sherlock Holmes
it was great
he cooked me dinner and we just had a blast hanging with eachother
I fell asleep several times through out the course of the day so I feel bad.
I had to be to work at 7am 7 days in a row.
Can they do that?...mom my asked.
well IDK but I went didn't I.
i needed the money.
We sat up and talked for hours about nothing
it was great
he held me and let me fall asleep.
We both ended up waking up 5 in the morning because thats what our bodies are used to now. and we just laughed about it and talked some more
he makes me feel like a kid, but like a grown ass woman too
he makes me feel filled with butterflies and marshmallows and cottoncandy
I love him more than he can know

and everytime I hear a Nirvana song i just wanna laugh <3
we dance around his room and scream at the top of our lungs

Valentines day was one of the best days I've had in a long time
and the sad part about it all is it had to happen because of a holiday
things like that dont always happen the way i wish they would.
ppl act diffrent because society tells them to
i don'e get to see him that much anymore
I don't gett o hold him
and sometimes I don't think he thinks about it that way :(

good things come to those who wait

As some of you may know I've been wanting alot of things lately.
Things that I can't afford, or just can't manage
Well I was supposed to go over my boyfriends' house for Valentine's Day weekend. Well I ended up needing to work that whole weekend except for valentines day itself....Well a friend of mine was supposed to take me there. At the end of the day she flaked...I'm really tired of ppl flaking on me. Just say no. All you have to do say no. Stop telling my yes and then saying NO at the LAST minute with some BULLSHIT reason.

Then work has been driving me crazy...I don't know how much I make yet, and the hours are stupid. I get several hours one week. Like seven days in a row, and then the next week i end up working none. Zero=no money.

Plus all of friends back where my mom live haven't been making anytime for me and its killing me. None of them call me of talk or chat or anything anymore.
Now, I know all of that stuff works both ways but thats the thing, I have been trying and I just wanna cry like everyday. I'm completly exhausted when it comes to everything. I mean, I nearly fel out at work the other day because I'm so friggin tired.

And finally, the least of my problems is weight loss. I feel that losing weight will benefit me in the long run. But i feel like I'm slacking on working out because I'm always so tired and i dont eat right because I just eat what there is in the house to eat. I don't have any money to get anything so whats there is whats in my belly.

So I've decided to look at everything in a better light and see it all as a way to learn something...and guess what...? I have actually been getting what I want.So my best friend asked me if I was losing weight. I'm all like no, and she's all like yeah...and I'm like shut up.
SO her brother and I go hang out with some friends and the punch line I lost 15lbs. SO i'm totally pumped about that.
Next is the job not giving me any hours next week...gives me time to catch up on some needed sleep and find a new job.
Also on this list of awesome-ness i got on facebook, and some of my friends were acting normal and talking to me like i never left. I know we can't see each other, and I know most of them(all) aren't phone people. I'm not anymore either, but I just don't want to lose friends. So we were talking on ZOMBIES and it was all cool.
And finally, my mom called me on Valentine's Day morning and asked was I still coming down. I told her no because of the friend that wasn't bringing me down. Mother decided that she was going to come get me!!!!!!!! <3
I was so HAPPY when she said that.
My Valentine's Day was wonderful and I got spend it with my family and my baby.
but thats something for another post all together.


follow me on twitter and youtube winterxj9

update:weight loss

okay...so remeber when i said that i was going to lose weight...?
do you?
okay we it doesn't actually matter if you remeber because i'm taking it back and then i'm putting it back out there just so everyone has heard it from me and not from someone else.

I told myslef that i was going to lose some weight for health reasons...just because i don't really know too much about the things that is in my family history and i don't want to get sick anytime soon...I'm only 20 yrs. old.
I know this is going to sound stupid....but you know how some ppl dont care about the greater risk...not that they are truely ignoring that fact that they can get sick or something but they feel as though that is hasn't be anything personal so its not a threat...
well i think thats how I am...I keep slacking because i haven't be in the direct path of fire as of yet...so i'm going to do this for a more vain reason...
i want to be able to wear a 2 piece this summer. I want to show my boyfriend that i can be super hot in the summer.

that is also a health reason in its own way too
some people just need to feel pretty to have a good time and the more you smile and the more happy you are, you have 15% chance to live a happier healthier life than the average person...
and i believe that...
when i was in middle school i used to feel so ugly and i was rarely ever in a good mood.
i'd always have to hide how i felt about everything
i felt fat and ugly and stupid and none of the guys liked me.
ever since i laft high school i feel much better.
but long story short...everyone needs a reason that will work for them, the same way you need a work out that will work for you....

that brings me to P90X
I dont have it but my friends brother does and he is going to let me borrow it and some days i'm going to work out with him...
that is something that i'm looking forward to
he says that he has fun doing it.............(he has fun doing anything)
tee hee
but he and i are going to be super sexy.
he also want to look awesome sauce for the summer but he just wants to be ripped for the girls
i guess that also has to do with being sad and or lonely
idk...
i just know that for me its more than being pretty, its being healthy and hopefully nothing that runs in the family will get to my kids....

happy life, and happy heart

youtube-ing it up

so as you all probably don't know what so ever ...lol...i've been trying to get my youtube career off the ground
i have 3 different ideas so i dont really know what i want to do plus, i still need to get a charger for my camera....but in the mean time i'm going to get opinions from people

my first idea is make-up
i bet all of you saw that coming lol
but i wanted to do make-up vids for ppl with darker skin and smaller wallets (drug store products)

then i'll do some vids for hair of course...I have really short hair in the back and shoulder length hair in the front...never been able to find any help on youtube for my random hair so now i'm going to make some lovely styles on my own

the other idea was to have a talk show...but make it funny
anything that bothers teens, all the issues that they go through, celebrity news that they'd like to know all that lovely jazz....

finally the last idea, was the the news
so the last two are kinda the same but not
thethird idea is something like abc news at 5 kinda thingy
i'm going to make the weather funny
like its raining crickets...no its not gish, you really believed me lol
somthing more funny on videos lol

My Un-realistic Wishlist

well i've noticed that i have been wanting lots of thing that i can't have
i wanted to win jinahchae's valentines day contest but i dont have a camera and my bf is on the other side of town....
also i really wanted to win because i only have a blush brush....so winning would have helped me alot.
but i'm not going to sit here and explain everything i'm just going to list everything that i want so here goes all the things i can't afford or just can't do period.

meet fafinettex3
be friends with jinahchae...supposed to be moving to newyork, so i'd love to know someone
be on tv...just like the news or something,just so i can say, that was me ha ha
have a make over
be alittle famous on youtube....but that brings me to the next
get a working camera....fujifilm Z(or a charger for the awesome one i already have)
meet cast and crew of the Real Housewives of Orange County
Get an iphone or itouch
get the kat von d make line at sephora
get make up brushes better than the one i have...and other cleansers and stuff for my face(my morning routine is...wash face with washcloth...the end) :(
find a job that will pay rent...yeah, not being able to pay rent sux
buy the pink squire guitar...$119 dont have that much to just toss on a guitar
get an apartment somewhere other than maryland...hate it here
buy a coach purse...always wanted one, got mom one for christmas but she never got mine like she promised
visit california :)
go out to dinner in a really cool resturant...



okay, so does anyone know what to do about the makeover...i think i'm going to give myself a make over because of money
... so i want to give myself a pedicure
manicure
hair
make-up
tweeze brows
and anything else anyone can think of
i can't do french tip on my nails because of my job
and nothing too crazy for make up because of the same reason
so i have no idea what to really do

i'm afraid to do my own brows
i can do it, i have before but it hurts too much when i do it myself...idk why
lol
so if i get paid i can probably just get that done myself and do everything else on a budget.

ipod

so i just re-synced my whole ipod.
yeah...since my mom took my laptop when i moved out i didnt have a way to add songs to my ipod, so i just sat here at my new house, with my friends laptop andadded hella songs to her itunes. The two of us are some music freaks, and at one point her mother also shared the laptop with her so there are tons of songs on this computer right now
lol
i dont have all the songs i wanted but i have lots of the newr songs i've been looking for
i've had the same playlist since i was in the 10th grade
i've been out of school for about 2 years....so it was time to sacrafice
there are certain songs that i just have to have
most of system of a down i had, i re downloaded, then i had to have i don't care, by apocalyptica
plus every song by three days grace(fav band)
so went around the internet like a chicken with my head cut off....
so yeah
i had to get them, and atreyu(2nd fav) and the song that i can't live without.....drum rool plz(rumble rumble rumble LOL)
I believe in a thing called love by the darkness.
I have loved that song for as long as i can remember
plus i added some of my ffriends music
we have similar taste, but we lean on some music more than others, as you can see, or i hope u can, i love rock music

i didnt fill up my ipod though, only because i know that i'll find a song that i just have to have
so it still has about half a gig left
its a four gig.....I can't wait till that paycheck when i can get my touch (32gb)
but i'm being a good sister and i'm getting my brother one for his birthday
he is turning 13 and wants to be a DJ
so, i thought that I'd give him something he can put his music on
plus he's going to actually say he's a teen
lol
I can't believe that at all
he was my little brother and now he's my big little brother, trying to be all mature and stuff, so thats what i'm going to do with that
his bday is 2 days after my moms tho, so i have no idea i'm going to get her

i have to figure it out
any ideas? leave a comment!
plz, what do u get ur mom when u dont even know what to buy ur self half the time

first day of work/great news

okay...well everyone knows that i had my first day of work yesterday
well, it was great...i love everyone i work with and everyone else at work is awesome too
the girls i work with in the back are very helpful, and its the first job i've had that i'm not afraid to ask questions
the manager is in her 20's and i feel like she is my age so i can talk to her if i feel stupid about something
at my first job my boss was 24 and he seems like a boss BOSS
if you get what i mean.
he was cool and i loved him, and his wife was the coolest person i knew, but i was still afraid of him
i wish that they didnt move to texas, but they had to go home
it doesnt matter the place is gone, so i wouldnt be able to go and see them anyway
back to hollister...i like that i do stuff in the back
that makes everything way easier, i dont have to worry about ppl looking at me all day
i fold and find, and look and place
i absolutely love it
everyone looks so pretty
i'm so jelous lol
and the woman i work with the most(not saying anyones names...dont need stalkers) she is so pretty
she older than i am so i guess i thats part of it, but the other part is she just seems like she knows what she wants
she has the best boobs ever
i wonder if they are hers
either way, i was staring at them all day
lol
dont tell her :)
she told me that i needed to get some new clothes, bacuse she has closets full of clothes and i have none
they are so open like everyone is just the best of friends, but i dont think they hang out outside of work
it just doesnt seem like it, like they all have superfun lives and they do all kinds of fun things like hang out with guys and go to partys and all that stuff
go to bars and drink and go out to dinner
and go downtown and all that stuff
i wish i could do stuff like that...:(

but on to the great news
because i have the bestest news ever
well to me its good news

Well, if you guys remember my ex boyfriend Tyler
he wants to get back together and spend valentines weekend together.
i cant wait
he has alot planned for us
we are goin to a car show
hey! i like stuff like that, so you can just shut ur faces
lol
and we are going to dinner and movie(IMAX)
i love the harbor plus he is taking me shopping because as you might have read b4, i dont hve any clothes, so he is getting me whatever i want
anything...and he has a suprise for me that i can't know about so i cant wait till then

i just hope that i dont have to work
the thing is because the job is so new that i dont want to call out and mess that all up
thats how i got dismissed from wendys
no thank you
none of that
lol
so i just pray that i get to see him...and my family
me and my mother talk for hours on the phone now
she never has anyone to talk to, she talks to her boo but no one else to really talk to.
I think it's weird that we talk so much when we don't live together, and then when we live together, we never say anything to eachother
i wish that it could stay like that
she is trying her hardest to move, and asked me if they got a new house would i move in with them... the thing is I would love to move back to that side of town, but i don't really want to go through all of this with my mom again.
I love her and I'm so tired of the clash between mom and friend
i want to hav both
but she forgets that i'm 20 now and having a 1 o'clock curfew is wack
if i go back i dont want a curfew, the only time i wanna have to call her is if i'm staying the night some where. not if i'm goin to be late and then she's mad because i called and she has to go to work but sh'd be mad if i didnt because then she'd worry

sure, u can know where i am at all times, but dont be mad that i'm not there because i'm going to stay at ppls houses i'm going ot do what i want
i'm man adult now....but i'd love to go back and i love my mommy, so i'll talk to her about that when i come up for one weekend

but back to my awesome weekend with my awesome guy...he is taking me to the car show, i really want to go
i want my mom and mr keth to go
they went last year i think
it would be cool if they went with us
tyler might feel weird if they went...but i dont really care, just because it'll be funny
but then, we'd have to agree on the place to eat after that and my mom wouldn't feel like staying and walking around
she isnt going to want to go to the IMAX either
i really want to see a movie at the IMAX theatre
i've loved all the movies i've see there, probably just because i love being at the harbor
oh, and we should probably go get some crabs, that would be cool
or, maybe on sunday, because then we can just have some fun and all that, i'd have to wake up earlier than my mom...i dont think i can do that


and i cant wait to see what this suprise is....i just know that its going to be something that i'm going to love
i'm so simple, so cliche
i like things that u see in the moves, and thats all i want
flowers and chocolate
stuff like that.
And i've been waiting to go to the harbor for years with someone that i loved, and i get to try on tons of clothes
<3 :) yay!!!
lol
well ttfn, i hav to go call my best friend...i have lots of those, but one is at work and the other is in the next room...so yeah, and my mom is one of them, but i just got off the phone with her lol
c ya

update

okay, so in my "BLOGGING" blog, i said that i would right my new years resolution, or i think tht was the one with my goals...?
idk , anyway i dont think i ever told you guys
its to make a better me
in anyway that i can just do me to the best of my abilities

i know that i had goals to
lose weight
find a job
and get my own place......

i dont think that i've lost any weight, i thinki've gained weight. i dont actually have a scale, so idk
i found a job (Hollister)
and as far as my own place goes...i dont have my own place, but i'm renting out a room in a different side of town now, so to me that counts for something, i'm half way there, kinda
so i think that i'm doing pretty well for myself
its not everything i wanted but other things i want include marriage and things like that, that i cant really get on my own...so yeah
i didnt want to get married this year, but i was hoping that i'd be a step closer than i am now, actually two steps closer, but whatever....
just thought I'd give you guys an update on what ever the hell i call my life
*sigh* ta ta

i want it!!

okay so this is just a bunch of things that i wish i could have but i dont have the money for

• iPod touch
• car
• mini fridge
• candy
• new clothes

SO yeah, i wish i had the money but i dont

i can get the ipod touch now, and chose bill me later, and i should have the money in the newt couple of weeks
i have a new job at hollister and i'm so happy about that
IU've always wanted to work in a place that
all the girls always look so happy and look so pretty
I dont think i have the energy to make sure i look so pretty everyday

i really could care less, but at the same time i do
its weird
but yeah, my dad got me a car, until i decided to move out of my moms house, idk what they have to do with eachother so what ever

as far as the clothes, i have to buy new clothes for work anyway so hopefully someone can help me out on the new clothes,
the mini fridge...I've always wanted one, nothing has changed, and i found a pretty cheap one at wal mart...so lets see what the first paycheck looks like

and the CANDY!!! I'm just being too lazy to walk to the store, i think that if i get all my change together i could go get some gummy worms, but its raining and a little snow going on out threr, so i think i'm going to stay in the house and not go get candy that i dont really have the money for

moving out, moving up, and moving on

okay, so i've been staying with one of the coolest friends ever and her family.
they are like my second family, I love them to death
My mother and I should have realized a long time ago that we shouldn't live under the same roof
like, seriously, i was going to rip my hair out living with her
i just figured that now that i'm 20 i'm going to start feeling out how i want to live
i have my own way of seeing things that my mother didnt
i want her to know that i love her and that i want to come visit, and stay the night and gossip because she is one of my best friends, but we are polar opposites.
i blame my dad...not that its his fault, but i'm like him, we like our own space, we dont like to be bother really
that's why i like to hang with my dad, because after a while we just chill and dont bother eachother. We listen to music or work out of order chinese.
living with my mom, though i think she doesnt make the effort to hang with her kids because they live with her. she sees us all the time and so she'll put it off for another time.
that makes me sad
she keeps saying that we need to spend time with family because they may be gone soon
by this she means the older relatives, but anything can happen to anyone
i could get hit by a bus, or fall off of a motorcycle(i want one ). so I just think that my mother needs to spend more time with her kids, even this one that doesn't listen and has a mind of her own...
and when parents say that they want you to always be independent and have a mind of your own...do they always mean that, or are they saying because its what sounds the best?
i'm just asking


but i'm glad that i have the family and friends that i have because i wouldn't be the person i am today

moving on...I have a guy situation...
so i broke up with my boyfriend on my birthday. or we broke up
the thing is we both misunderstood eachother
to me that means we should get back together but he doesnt want to ...
now in any other case i would just leave this alone, we are already broken up and i'd just move on
i've been trying to move on but he wants to take me out for the Valentines day weekend
that just sounds all kinds of confusing to me...Like i just knew that i was in love with him and that we'd be together, but now i dont even want to see him because he isnt making any sense to me and i hate when people do that
he wants us to be together one day but not now
if it was anyone else i'd be like..ummm...NO
but he isnt an ass like most guys so i'm trying to give him a chance at it
plus we are going to a car show
and i love cars and bikes(this is something new)
and he knows what i like he pays attention to me....

on the other hand one of my best friends and I are sparking some old flames
and i know that he makes me happy, i know that he knows me
and i know him, and that feels great
but he is going into the damn army...did i ever mention that i hate that, plus i hate being alone, and i dont like long distance
and even right now its long distance, i just moved to the other side of town remember...?
so yeah, i dont feel like doing this
i dont feel like having my heart ripped apart

the last time i had a long distance relationship, i got my heart broken and i had the worst time ever trying to make things right, not with us but with myself
i'm easily broken and hard o fix
...so i really dont want to get into either one of theese, but my heart keeps telling my to just try
either one, because i can honestly see myself married to both.
AND THAT IS THE SCARY PART
crap like that doesnt happen
u dont just say yeah, i'll be with which ever one proposes first
i'm too young to be having theese issues >(

I need help and guidance, i need a shoulder and i need people to make up their minds
i'm not with one because he doesn't know what the hell he wants and i'm not with the other because he doesnt want to try this long distance thing
i dont either but i also dont like putting things off
to me its like u are just trying to get ur jollies before we are together
u have to be free in the mean time
so idk


i dont know, i never know alls i know it that i'm listening to sanctuary by utada in my ipod
that is the only thing that i am postive about over anything else
and my dog is scratching her head: so stick that in your juicce box and suck it